Last Walls is a partnership between Thiscene Media and If Walls Could Talk. Every week, organizer Melizarani T. Selva gives us one of her favorite poems from the last If Walls Could Talk and we put it up on the site.

This poem was performed at IF WALLS COULD TALK vol. 31 feat Joni Atari, on Thursday, April 13, 2017.

Once again

by Amina Koi Dowui

Once again,
I have been stolen from my own body.
I have been drifted away from reality.
I have forced everything I see to become unseen.
It will be different this time, I said.
It will be worth the sin, I said.
So I undress myself.
I undress this sadness.
I undress this honesty.
I undress my beliefs.
I lay them flat for him to see.
Look here, I have laid my heart on the pillow for you to rest your head on,
for you to listen to how it only yearns for you.
And here are my arms
for them to hold you.
And here are the rest of the pieces of me you can use as your sheets even though I’d rather be your blanket.
Oh and look here, here are my secrets you’ve left on the floor. Watch your step I always say.
That’s how it was everyday.
He’d wake up and leave my heart on the pillow as if he had not heard how it beats to his breathing.
He’d leave me on this unmade bed
as if the pieces of me weren’t worth puting together.
He stepped all over my spilled guts.
He’d leave without even closing the room door.
He was always the one doing the leaving
and I was always the one doing the waiting,
the bleeding,
the pleading,
the giving.
It will be different this time, I said.
So I took my heart off his pillow and dragged it with my arms to the sheets of me
and wiped off my spilled guts for him not to walk over anymore.
This time I did the leaving.
This time he did the pleading.
This time he was still not giving but
this time I was the one who did not close the room door.
This time,
this time there will be no one waiting for him anymore.

Amina Koi Dowui was born in Sierra Leone and raised in Saudi Arabia. She is a food and poetry junkie, and currently studies at INTI University. Her love of poetry grew from her love of the YouTube channel Button Poetry.

If Walls Could Talk is a live poetry night at Gaslight Cafe, Plaza Damansara, every second Thursday of the month.