Last Walls is a partnership between Thiscene Media and If Walls Could Talk. Every week, organizer Melizarani T. Selva gives us one of her favorite poems from the last If Walls Could Talk and we put it up on the site.

This poem was performed at IF WALLS COULD TALK vol. 29 feat Muhammad Haji Salleh & Heerraa, on Thursday, February 9, 2017. 

 

I Try to Explain

by Belveen Singh

 

I try to explain but you don’t understand
why I feel the way I do.
I try to explain why I feel this pain
but it doesn’t make any sense to you.

After all, I don’t have “real” reasons to feel depressed,
but you don’t understand the heaviness I feel in my chest.

I try to explain but you don’t understand
when I tell you that I feel so lonely,
but you tell me
that I’m surrounded by my friends and family,
“Why are you lonely?” you ask.

I tried to explain but you just don’t understand!
There are times when I go to bed I wish I never woke up the next day.
And when I do wake up, there’s this darkness that consumes me,
a sudden rush of pain and sorrow.

I am drowning.

You don’t understand
that I do not long for tomorrow.

I just want this pain to end.

When I try to explain, maybe you should just try to understand
that I don’t want your opinions or solutions.

I just want a friend

to hold my trembling hands and tell me
that you don’t understand
but you’ll be there for me
to wipe my tears and to take away all of my fears.

and I’ll try my best to crawl out of that pit of darkness,
knowing that you’ll be there waiting to greet me with a warm smile.

When I try to explain, I just want you to understand
that I need you to not understand
but I need you to just hold my trembling hands.

 

Belveen Singh is the emo guy who makes memes, does stand up comedy and now poetry apparently.

If Walls Could Talk is a live poetry night at Gaslight Cafe, Plaza Damansara, every second Thursday of the month.

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